Sleep deprived...

I was going to update my blog last night but fell asleep…I just woke up and I’m leaving for my flight to Dunhuang in a couple hours. I’ve been so severely sleep deprived and jetlagged but it’s been so much fun!

Need to take more random street pix...

Got to see the BFF the other day as well as a few other really close friends either from Wellesley or from my childhood. I confessed to my BFF why I purposefully did not go to his wedding after arriving in Beijing…and just as always…he understood my (selfish) reasons. And he brought me candies from his wedding!

I remember when I first found out that he and Jay were getting married, I had a little breakdown. Why are my closest GUY friends getting married already?! I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m very happy for them. But at the same time, it was just so shocking and I kind of felt left alone. But after talking to them recently, I realize that neither of them is happy with the decision but rather they're being forced into it (or maybe all guys would like to think that?!) Marriage is no joke, why marry someone you’re unsure about? Simply because you’re tired of getting hurt and want to settle down? You're both guys too, why are you in a hurry?

Here are some random pix from the past couple of days.

with the bff, li xu

candies from his wedding!

with jay, we've been good friends for almost 20 years!

eating hot pot with jonny, another good friend of mine.

with Susan. I still remember when we talked about me moving to Beijng, etc. when you visited Boston back in Jan. Now here I am! (well I'm just visiting but still...)

with the lovely swelles ladies at club 秀.

with my buddy from 7th grade who just moved back from london for good. yay! he's covering his face cuz I called him "fat"...hmm i just noticed a lot of my guy friends are gaining weight already...interesting...

with my lovely friends!

With Fangfang! And yes, we "bitched" so much about you Terry! lol

with jaycee, jackie chan's son.

One thought of the week: Sometimes, the people who are the closest to you are the ones you need to watch out for…they’ll most likely succeed in taking advantage of you because you let your guard down around them. Anyways...

Even though the purpose of this trip is to figure myself out…I’ve been feeling more confused than ever over the past couple of days. Confused about my future still and also confused about my relationships with people (family, friends, etc.).

I’m starting to really miss my mom, my friends and Wawa back home. Even though I have more close friends in Asia, I feel like an intruder...This is part of their lives, but I am just a visitor. I come and go. It just looks like I will never settle in one place. Even Boston was the same thing. After I started refocusing on myself again, just when I developed really close and tight friendships with people, I had to leave. I am always escaping from one place to another, but when I end up in a new place, I always feel more empty than ever.

I had a very serious conversation with my grandpa yesterday, about my future, my life and my recent past. He’s finally treating me as an adult and was surprisingly open-minded about things. I’m so grateful that I have such a wonderful family that cares for me so much. They’ve thought about everything over for me before I even started laying out my options, lol. So, after talking to grandpa, it suddenly struck me that my thoughts have been a scattered puzzle and now the pieces are starting to find the places they belong to. It’s a pretty nice feeling but at the same time I am scared (subconsciously) because of the potential sacrifices that will need to happen.

Let’s see how I feel about what I wrote today when I get back from Dunhuang. It’s been my dream to visit this place and I cannot believe it’s finally coming true!!!